Being Unoffendable

Many people have trouble separating their opinions from their inner sense of self. When someone opposes or insults that opinion they perceive it as a threat or insult to who they are instead of to a thought or opinion they hold. An easily offended person takes on the role of the victim or surrogate victim if they are not the target of the perceived insult. At it’s core being easily offended comes from unchecked or even unknown insecurity.

The unoffendable person values relationships more than feelings of insult or even being correct. They may find what the offender has done to be hurtful or offensive yet they value the relationship more than their own feelings. They are able to set their feelings aside to address the actual issue at hand and not be driven by fear and shame.

There is a very big difference between being insulted and verbal or psychological abuse. In this we are not talking about standing up for yourself if you are being abused. That is not being offended. We are talking about being overly sensitive or looking for insult in something when none was intended.

Being unoffendable doesn’t mean that you don’t stand against what is wrong, nor that you have to accept and be friends with people who you may find disagreeable or offensive. It means that you value yourself and your relationships more than a feeling of satisfaction at “being right”. Use the information presented in this episode to look at yourself and ask if you are too easily offended. Think about times when you have been offended by something or someone. Ask yourself why did that particular event cause me so much pain that I was offended. Doing this will start your journey toward being unoffendable.

Check out the public after cast on Patreon for Tips on Becoming Unoffendable.

Episode Breakdown

Understanding Offense

What does it mean to be offended?

The dictionary definition of offended is “resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.” Getting your feelings hurt is not the same as being offended. Being offended is an emotional state, it is an animosity toward the other person.

What is going on when a person becomes offended?

They respond as if it is an attack on them as person, even if it’s not directed toward them. The person tends to think of themselves highly and the offending action contradicts their view of themselves. Other situations can lead to a person begin more offendable such as their mood, stress level, etc. Misery loves company, so does offense. People who are offended want to get others to feel the same.

What causes a person to become offended?

People tend to be most offended when the offending action hits an insecurity, especially if it is one they didn’t know about. Offense comes from a feeling of inferiority, typically over compensation for that inferiority and feeling called out on it or insulted by something someone does.

People get offended when they think there is only one way to do things and someone breaks from that way of doing it. When a person thinks too highly of themselves they become sensitive to criticism and unable to accept any beliefs that do not perfectly align with their own.

Signs You Are Easily Offended

Your insecurities dominate your life.

You will insult others or point out their flaws to make yourself feel better or superior. You cannot accept criticism or that you might be wrong. You need validation from others in order to feel that you are worth something.

You are constantly complaining about something.

Everyone has bad days or things that frustrate them and need to vent from time to time. Venting becomes an issue when it is a major part of your day. From your perspective there is more bad than good in your life.

You see yourself as the victim.

You are never at fault for anything that goes wrong in your life. You expect others to change themselves for you but you are unwilling to change for them. You feel that other people are in control of your emotional responses and feelings.

You need constant attention from others.

Taking offense too easily is a quick and easy way to get attention. The attention you get doesn’t have to be positive so long as you are getting attention. You may want to fit in or join in with the complainers, offense loves company.

Understanding Unoffendable

What does being Unoffendable mean?

According to the Oxford English Dictionary Unoffendable means “incapable of being offended; unlikely to take offence.” Being unoffendable means not taking things, even directed insults, as an attack on you as a person but instead as a sign that the offender needs help in some area.

Being unoffendable is a choice that you make in response to the emotional reaction of a perceived insult. It takes willpower to stand against the desire to react and instead respond with patience or ignore the insulting event.

What does being Unoffendable not mean?

It is possible to find something disgusting or offensive but not be offended. Offended and offensive are different. An Unoffendable person still stands up for something they believe in or fights for what is right. Being unoffendable is about not taking things personally and not looking for offense when none was intended.

What is going on inside a person who is unoffendable?

Unoffendability isn’t about the person, it’s about their thought process. To be unoffendable a person must be able to recognize their emotional state.

A person who is unoffendable makes the the choice to set aside their emotional reaction for a more reasoned response. It takes discipline and self-control to live an unoffendable life.

Traits of an Unoffendable Person

The unoffendable person lives in forgiveness.

Without forgiveness any relationship you have will begin to fall apart. Forgiveness is a powerful thing; it is moving on and letting go of past insults and offenses. That does not mean letting abusive or harmful people back into your life. Seeking forgiveness take humility and shows that you are willing to change.

They are comfortable with their own self and their insecurities.

Offense stems from unrecognized or misunderstood insecurities, especially when the perceived insult is related to the insecurity. The unoffendable person may still have insecurities but they are able to see the offending person or incident as something not related to them.

They understand that their thoughts, views, beliefs, and opinions are not who they are but things they have. Being comfortable with yourself means accepting yourself for who you are now and who you are striving to be. It is actively not comparing yourself with others.

The unoffendable person doesn’t expect others to live to their expectations.

Unintended offense occurs when the offender doesn’t meet some arbitrary expectation of the offended person. The unoffendable person does not place arbitrary expectations on others.

The unoffendable person understands that others have their own value systems that may differ vastly from their own. They may choose to not associate with someone of vastly opposing value systems, but that doesn’t mean they try to hinder that person in any way.

They do not need validation from others to feel good about themselves.

When a person needs approval from others to validate themselves it shows a lack of self-worth. Unoffendable people do not compare themselves to others because doing so only points out their weakness and the other’s strength. The unoffendable person learns from their mistakes. They see failure and insult as a way to know where they need to improve.

The unoffendable person has a bigger purpose to their life.

The unoffendable person understands the “WHY” behind their actions. This gives them a larger perspective than just the immediate situation and their immediate feelings.

The unoffendable person understands their core values to that level that even someone who opposes those values does not threaten them or their values. They are not only able to accept that others may have opposing beliefs, they are are able to have conversations with them about their differences.

Tricks of the Trade

Look for your weak spots, insecurities, etc. They are a starting point for real personal growth.

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